Welcome to Chengi‘s blog of craps :D

Just so HOW am I supposed to start with this whole about ME thing??? *thinks* awh-gaawd~ screw it. Will just “get-to-point” lets see then. . . . . My friends say I’m an EMO. *rolls eyes* RIGHT. Me. Emo. MAYBE. & some of them say I’m just simply crazily Hyper at times. Well, it’s a better thing right? Rather than being an Emo. But I couldn’t say that I’m NOT an emo. I am. At times. Like COME ON, I bet YOU out there are like this tooooo right???? Emotional it is. & omg don ever start with emotional. I’m just a SOOOOOO freaking emotional person. I can just cry over SILLY things >____< bad thing though. So wait, is EMO & EMOTIONALthe darn thing or what? LOL what-the-hell??? *shifty eyes* Oh-the-wells, what else???? I’m . . . . also a VERY random person. LOL. Sometimes the ‘betches’ don’t get me either. J hur hur hur~~~~ so, just before I end this piece of crap, I shall warn u with little things like. . . . . I’m a VERY VERY VERY hot-tempered girl SO that means, whenever I’m mad or whatever, I whud just rant it all out with LOTS of vulgarity J BEWARE!!! ^^ & IF U DON’T LIKE ME OR WHATEVER IT IS,JUST ANYTHING. FOR EXAMPLE, HOW I WRITE, HOW I “LOOK” HOW I TALK, OR JUST WHATEVER KIND OF SHIT U CAN THINK OF TO HATE BOUT ME, DON READ ME THEN. JUST give yourself a LIFE (if you have any to start with) & GET OUT OFF THIS BLOG then =) just a favor you’re doing for the BOTH of us then ^^ anyways, TILL THEN. Ps:/// this is my blog, so its gonna be about ME ME ME & ME MYSELF (of course, my betches & bastards as well) so just don get bored with all the craps that’s about to be presented to U “reader” or something. XOXO .C.

[ Thursday, November 20, 2008 ]

I'MEMOAGAIN.
&
YES.
ITSTHATTIMEOFTHEMONTH.
wtf . . . . . .

i'm emo as i just said.
T____________T
if u REMEMBER or u DONT.
nvm
scroll down my last few posts.
bout that I HATE U post.
*sighs*

was kinda chatting with M.Ling & started being emo all of a sudden.
wth.
how irronic is that!
=____=
anyways,
i cried for NO APPARENT REASONS AGAIN!
after such a looooooooooooooong time.
like lets say. . . .FIVE MONTHS?
so yeah.
and it all started YESTERDAY!
OMFG!

eventhough i KNOW its NOT normal. . . .
but its seems NORMAL now.
WHAT-THE-FCUK right? i know i know. . . . . .i'm outamymind! *screams*

i need to BREATHE again like i used to.
i used to breathe in the LOVE air?
yeah wtf i know. . .(i'm kinda. . .u know. . .WEIRD out now)

i miss the texts
i miss the talks
i miss latenight calls
i miss the smell
i miss the voices that rings in my ear every Morning when i wake up that says "I LOVE U"
i miss the times
i miss starring at em
i miss the smile
i miss the way 'em' walks
i miss looking at 'em' drive
i miss the quarrels
i miss crying for 'em'
i miss shouting at 'em'
i miss gossiping things to 'em'
i miss going through sites with 'em'
i miss every gesture 'em' does
i miss the sweeet sweeeet things 'em' said
i miss being mad at 'em' for not saying goodnight
i miss being happy whenever i receive a text saying "I MISS U"
i miss hugging 'em'

ALL the I :misses: WAS THE THINGS I THOUGHT I MISSED.
but in fact i DON'T.

i wonder why.
but sometimes i do miss some of it.

i missed the calls & texts most of all.
no one can replace it?
I MISS THE LIES 'EM' TELLS ME TILL THE DAY WE WERE OFF.

those were the lies i whud NEVER forget.
NEVER.
never in one time i don't rmb it.
i always do and i will.
things 'em' said that hurted me so bad that it gives me creeps to be with someone else as i have this thought in me that tells me EVERY GUY IS THE SAME.
SAME BLOOOOODY PERSONALITY!

we promised each other to play songs together.
U promised me to record a song for my birthday.
U promised me U whud play my favourite song for me when i'm down.
U promised me that U whud NEVER stop playing songs for me even if i were gone.

&
THOSE WERE LIES.

i thought i had let u go.
maybe it was harder for me, easier for U.
feelings that had changed can never be the same.
U said "hi, how are u lately?"
were those words U're using to let me forget how U used to treat me?
everyone i know KNOWS that U're good for nothing.
a bloody jerk
a bloody asshole
a bloody liar
a bloody guy who doesn't know how to treat a girl right.

U DON DESERVE TO BE LOVED BY ANYONE!
EUDORA IS WITH U, i know & i knew it all the long.
i wish U both WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPINESS.
NEVER!

U DESERVE BEING HATED AT!!!

when i got a call from Jac saying U were admitted into the Hospital,
U know what MY reaction was?
"is he dead?" were my first words.
& why?
because i really wished U were.
D-E-A-D

death i want U to feel.

being crashed by cars on highways over again & again!

since you're NOT like what & how i wished U were,
is BETTER if U get out of my life again.
i NEVER WANT SOMEONE LIKE U IN MY LIFE EVER?
yes.
i DON'T!

i really wish i chud turn back time & continue to HATE U as i was before i knew U.
i HATED U.
i wish I chud stay that way.
& never really gave up someone else for U.
CC was great. but i thought U were greater.
eventhough i knew how much it hurts being with U.

when i saw those photos,
i actually really had tears rolling down my cheeks.
BIG FAT ROUND TEARS.
wish U chud have seen that.

on second thought, NO.
i still PRAY and WISH i WHUD see U one day AGAIN & say my last goodbyes as i see U walk away from me & *craaaaaaaaash* D-I-E in front of me.
but those are beyond of what i can do.
but i still do HOPE & WISH for that as my birthday WISH next year.

i think i shud change the texts on that picture above as
"EVERYTHING MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME BUT U DON'T"
or so. . . .
right?

i still remember i used to cut myself.
i wonder why.
i do it now for the pains that's inside me that i want to let go from my fam.
but not u anymore , never it will be.

i wish SHE whud realize that U're a GOOD FOR NOTHING.
i sort of pity HER.
*wonders*

XOXO
IFEELSOBLUE

Wants .

.TSomeone to hug with when she’s cold TA lappy TA DSLR THer lomo cammy TNew cell TA walk-in closet (if possible) THer own purchase of Juicy Couture charm bracelet TA random antique chandelier (black/gold) TA new wardrobe TAll 4 of Twilight’s books TPurchase of a 100 pairs of heels(in 1 month) THer very own business online with her BFF of fashion (M.Ling) THer own collection of Beatles black plate’s TStart off a collection of authentic wine TBreak a leg or arm before she dies TBreak someone’s toe with her heels J